why can't i want what i need? i do not know.

there are things i need to learn.
lots and lots of learning needs to be done.
i want to read my book, i want to write write write. i want to put pictures in my photo frames, i want to write letters, i want to visit museums in dallas--i want to take the old torn pair of bluegenes my boyfriend gave me, and make them into something...maybe a bag, mabye a changepurse...i want to go through my clothes and make some runs to the salvation army. i want to research what's up with the landmine issue. i want to go downtown and learn about this city-- i want to read that book about stalin's childhood...I want to go to the gym today. I want to learn about skin cancer so I can once and for all convince myself that I most certainly should not tan. I want to learn more about the world’s religions. I want to send some writing to somewhere to be published. I want to burn my tv. I want to open an investment account. I want to change the world. Oh gosh, I really really want to see the world improve. I want to do that through children, before the world has gotten to them. I want to know the world inside and out. I want to know where I belong, and if I don’t belong anywhere, I want to get that into my head and move on. If I don’t belong anywhere, then I want to travel forever. I want a job where I travel and work to improve the world, or research on issues that need attention. I also want a really nice fountain pen to write with. I want to go to the botanical gardens. I want my mom’s old cowprint knit sweater she used to wear with that crystal necklace. i want to finish that painting I began over Christmas break. I want to paint with my hands and toes. I want a pet tiger. I want to sleep in my bed from nyc. I want a good night’s sleep. i want to sell all of my dvds. I want to paint my nails. I want to visit my grandmother in okc. I want so many things.

But I need to write my art history paper. And I need to get the political science notes I missed. And I need to start studying for my maths exam, and my microecon exam, and my history exam, and all those exams. And I need to get that shirt for my sorority dress checks. And I need to write that extra credit paper for political science. And I need to sign up for summer school. And I need to study for my micro quiz. And I need to clean my room before my roommate keels over and dies. And I need to get my honors courses straight and settled for next year.

Ugh. VOMIT.