My mix cd for you.

I want to tell you that I had bad dreams last night
And that I woke up all sweaty and afraid
With tears on my pillow
I held onto bunbun and bear
Because they were all I knew I had
And I was squeezing my eyes shut so tightly
And wishing that they were you
Because I wanted to be held back.
And I want to tell you
That in that sleepy limbo of dream-world,
I didn’t move or turn to find you
Because I knew you wouldn’t be next to me
Because you’re out of town, and I miss you

I want to tell you that I’m wearing your sweatshirt
In 93 degree summer heat
Just because it smells like you
And I keep pretending to scratch my nose
While writing this at starbucks
Just so I can smell you near me

And I want to tell you
That I’ve hidden a little toothbrush
Just for me
In your bathroom.

And I want to tell you
that I’ve tried to think of names to call you
because I love when you call me babe, or b,
(or that one time, when you took care of me
when you thought I wouldn’t remember
and you called me baby)
but I can’t think of anything to call you
because I never know whats right
or perfect

and I want to tell you
that I do not
use baby-talk when I’m tipsy
-I just think your hearing is flawed--
and I want to tell you
that I hate baby talk and that I really hope
--really really hope----
we never use it, ever

and I want to tell you
that when we were at that party at your house
on Thursday
and I fell asleep on your shoulder
with that beer in my hand
when we were sitting on the couch.
I want to tell you it was only my 3rd
And I was just tired.
But what I want to tell you even more
Is that I fell for you a little bit more
When I realized that not only did you stay
And let me sleep while you could have been socializing
But as you woke me up,
That even though my beer was steadily resting in my hands
And wouldn’t have spilled.
That you had taken it out of my hands
And placed it on the table.
That got me…..

And I want to tell you
That you have this way of calling me
Whenever I’m just thinking
That I’m missing you.
--like how you did last night—
when you said you wanted to call me
before I went to sleep
and I could hear the soundtrack
of music and laughter and conversation
that made me know you were at a bar
-you were at a bar, with your friends
and other tanned beachgoers—
and you were calling ME.

I want to tell you
That the CD you made me, that time
when we wandered around the bookstore
--back then I didn’t pay too much attention to the songs
but the other day you said to me
“the lyrics are as if I’ve written them to you,
at that time, its like a letter from me to you”
and so I went to re-listen to all the cds you made me
and I want to tell you, you have me falling
because I get you just a little bit more
now that I know that your music is like my writing

and I want to tell you so many things
like that these lyrics
from the first cd you made me
mean something to me:

“Things I'd say but just can't face
All it means to say them
I could believe the things i feel
Then tomorrow get the same deal
Am i acting on something real?”

And I want to tell you
That you just sent me a text message
..like you always do when I’m missing you…


and I want to tell you,
that I like how you say
“I like it, I like it”
and how you do your hand when you’re making a point
with your index finger touching your thumb as you
move your arm, from the elbow, forwards and back
…for emphasis that your point is right…
and that when you use both hands, you’re being serious
and I want to tell you, that I think you’re cute
when you make that ‘I’m being goofy’ face
when you’re doing something silly,
so that everyone knows that you know
that you’re being goofy
(just so they don’t really think you’re an idiot)

and I want to tell you
that I love your skin
and the way your t-shirts smell
and that you can’t leave the house without making your bed
and that you always lick my nose—without fail—when we’re kissing
and you know I love your arms…
but what I want to tell you
is that you are so handsome
and that I like you’re strength
and I like the placement of your Tv in your room

and I want to tell you, that the other day
when you took me to lunch in Arlington
that that day, because of you,
was like a rainy day to me
and you know that my favorite days
are rainy days.

i want to tell you
I want to tell you
I want to tell you.
And I think, maybe,
I’m getting there.
And still….
everytime you kiss me.
Its like you pour poprocks in my blood.